FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. 

PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. 

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need. 

FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. 

PURE COMMUNISM
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. 

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. 

DICTATORSHIP
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. 

MILITARISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. 

PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk. 

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. 

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cow-gate."

BRITISH DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything. 

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment. 

BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. 

ANARCHY
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows. 

CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. 

HONG KONG CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad. 

ENVIRONMENTALISM
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them. 

FEMINISM
You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf. 

TOTALITARIANISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned. 

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership " is a symbol of the phalli-centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender. 

COUNTER CULTURE
Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk. 

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons."

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great " he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger! "

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages."

Top Twenty Countdown of the Best Oxymorons...

#20 Found missing
#19 Resident alien
#18 Airline food
#17 Same difference
#16 Government organization
#15 Sanitary landfill
#14 Alone together
#13 Business ethics
#12 Sweet sorrow
#11 Military intelligence
#10 Plastic glasses
#9 Terribly pleased
#8 Definite Maybe
#7 Pretty Ugly
#6 Computer Security
#5 Political science
#4 Diet ice cream
#3 Working vacation
#2 Exact estimate
#1 Microsoft Works

First there was this



Then there was this



And now there is this

The horrible thing about the Two Minutes Hate was not that one was obliged to act a part, but that it was impossible to avoid joining in. Within thirty seconds any pretence was always unnecessary. A hideous ecstasy of fear and vindictiveness, a desire to kill, to torture, to smash faces in with a sledge hammer, seemed to flow through the whole group of people like an electric current, turning one even against one's will into a grimacing, screaming lunatic. And yet the rage that one felt was an abstract, undirected emotion which could be switched from one object to another like the flame of a blowlamp.

-George Orwell, 1984