Five weeks ago, I was at tampines interchange waiting for a bus, when i saw presumably a grandmother waiting for a bus with her grandson after marketing, as they had those metal trolleys used for marketing filled with plastic bags. The boy was very energetic (naughty), constantly playing with the metal barriers of the interchange, loudly asking plenty of questions as well.

i could have really spent the whole afternoon just watching them. since december 2 years ago, i have not missed ah mah so much. i remember she used to bring me to the market ocassionally, but not too often as i disappear all too frequently, and get into too much trouble. I really missed those days. so often we don't appreciate what we have. my sister, probably my cousin samuel and i are the privilaged few to really experience her fully. As the eldest grandson, she really doted on me . As my mother was working then, she was the one mainly raising me during the day.

compared to all my cousins, i have so much memories of her, helping her pluck the tips off taugei (beansprouts), or snapping long beans into equal sized pieces. i can remember her scolding me "jin pai si ar!" (so naughty) so clearly in my mind. which is why, everytime i see an elderly woman scolding a mischevious young boy, i think of her.

I miss singing with her. when she was struck with alzheimer's, slowly she began to forget things. i was fortunate that i was one of the last few people she still remembered. but till the end, even as she forgot everything, she still remembered her favourite songs. Blue moon, God is Good, jin jia hou, tennessee waltz, bangawan solo, burong kakak tua, oh carol. Even during my A levels period, she would quietly sit on the black recliner in the hall and i would sing to her.

it was then at the interchange i decided that i wanted to create a tribute to her. i actually arranged a song, one of her favourite songs, to be in tribute to her, but unfortunately i don't think that it's any good, so i'll just keep it till i'm more well versed in music to improve it.

On mondays, I start lectures at noon, so two weeks ago, i decided to go to clementi central for breakfast. walking around that estate, i fell in love with the atmosphere. it's not like the modern HDB estates. it was so bustling with old men at coffeeshops drinking coffee or beer, chatting, school children eating an early lunch before school, people doing marketing, etc.... Pasir ris on the other hand, feels so empty and quiet by comparison. our HDB void decks are mostly empty, save for the occasional groups of teens. I just wanted to be able to compose a couple of short films just on all the individual stories that is going on there. I know i sound a bit rambling here, but i don't know how to express how i felt then. i wanted to preserve a slice of this type of culture in celluloid. i picture it as a simple film comprising of several short stories, interlinked simply by location, without much of storylines, but full of artistic photographic composition, with a simple story of a grandmother going to the market with her grandson as one of them.

I know i am rambling, but i just have to get this off my chest. I miss ahmah....... I really want to immortalise her in one way or another in a personal way, how she was in relation to me.

Just now i felt compelled to write something about her. but as i thought, i couldn't write anything. i did not merely want to write a story about her and i, i wanted to translate feelings into words, and i was so lost for words.....

i don't know the point i'm trying to make if any. there is no concluding statements or endpoint for this whole chunk of words, just a feeling of void





















The funny thing is that i have always only known the frank sinatra's version of blue moon, having never heard the elvis version. everytime Ahmah sings that song, i felt the begining sounded a bit weird, like it's abit flat and tuneless. but as soon as i saw this elvis video, i immediately realized she was singing his version, notthe sinatra's version where "blue" is held longer before moving to "moon"